baby steps

I'm having a moment. Actually, I've been having a week. A week of spaztic irrational fear that I wish I could talk myself out of. For the past year, I have been home. I have been here with my kids,

every

single

day.

I have loved it. I'm not saying it has been easy...but it has been necessary. Remy needed me, he needed ALL of my time. His body was broken, and he couldn't fix it on his own. I committed to taking him to every appointment, every day, so that he could find his stride.

He has.

(big grin!)

Five therapy sessions a week have pushed this amazing little man to a point that we weren't sure he would get to. Independent walker!!!! And of course shortly after his first steps came sentences. We have a talking walking two year old, and needless to say, an indescribable sense of pride for our "broken baby". Broken? Hmmmm.

He is ready for more. He is ready to see the world, and make friends, and expand his language and social skills (anyone who knows Remy might laugh at the idea of him needing to work on his social skills, but I promise, he does), and to learn appropriate play, and group behavior. While I long to give him these skills, I myself lack the skills to teach him.

Enter the special ed preschool program and Douglas Rd.

Off he goes. Well, probably. We still have to work out the details, but he is ready. I saw it in his eyes at our visit, when he played, and laughed, and.....ran. All with other kids. All with a smile, and sense of wonder that I would be crazy to stifle. Of course he needs me. He will need me for a really long time. And of course I need him TO need me. But today, he needs me to let him grow....

and I am ready.

I think? (this is me holding my breath)

Oh yeah, and I think I am going back to work. I just happened to find the job of my dreams in the midst of all of this. Maybe God is giving me a much needed distraction. Or maybe he is just letting me know it is ok. It is all ok. I am ok. I have survived the worst that life has to offer, and have learned so much about who I am and what I want to be to the world. I want people to feel whole, because I feel whole. (: I've got a lot to give.

Thank you Remy, for reteaching me how to be me.