I got scammed. Big time scammed. I got taken by the oldest trick in the book. One that incidentally took me years to perfect, and one that no six year old should have in the repertoire. Brodie went down to the nurses office, and got me to pick him up from school. No fever, no cough, no puke, no runny nose and no reason to leave the confines of Monroe Road Elementary. I am a sham of a mother, I know.
But wait....you didn't hear his side of the story.
Before we start, just look at the photo above. Who wouldn't believe every little word that came out of that handsome little turd's mouth? His whit, and his charm are what got him out of that nurses office last Friday and a round trip ticket to Toys R Us with Nina. Whit and charm....
Let me set this up. When reading the following dialogue, Brodie's voice must be read in a particular way. It adds so much to the mood...the ambiance of the story. You know how James Earl Jones can make you want to curl up and go to sleep? Brodie will make you laugh so hard you will cry. No lie. So....when reading Brodie's lines, you need to deepen your voice, and tighten your lips, almost like you are drinking out of straw. Not an average sized straw...you know that one from the old Tropicana commercials, where they stab the big fat straw into the actual orange. That straw. Slightly rounded, pursed, and sticking out. Yeah, you're trying it, aren't you?
So I go into the nurses office and I see my little punk, sitting on the same nurses office bed that I sat on so many times before (they are red instead of that grey blue color now), backpack in hand. I walk in and say;
"Whats up dude? You don't feel good?"
He replies, "No...I'm a little sick."
"Oh, really? What happened buddy?"
"I was eating lunch and it didn't digest really good."
Hmmm, he is blaming his digestive track. Possible, I guess, but it is what his digestive track is being accused of that is too much to handle. I say, "Oh, man, Brodie. What did it do?"
"Well it went up the wrong way."
Oh! He must have thrown up. "Oh Brode, did you throw up?"
At this point the nurse says "I think he has diarrhea".
I say "Did you through up?"
"Do you have to poop?"
I can't imagine that a six year old can know anything else of the digestion process. Basically, you eat, you poop, and if you get sick, you puke before the process in complete. Well, we think he may be an alien, and here is why. I say to him "Well than how is you food digesting wrong?"
"It started out going the right way" He uses his pointer and middle finger to show me how the food went into his mouth and began traveling down into his body. He stops just below his chest and says, "then it started going this way and went all around back here and now it is stuck right here." His fingers moved from the bottom of his chest and veered left and taking a direct route to his kidney.
I say "Oh, so your food got stuck in your kidney?"
"Yeah, I think it was a ball of cheese from my cheese pizza."
"Wow, Brodie, you have a different anatomy than the rest of us."
"Yeah, I know, I am just different than everyone else."
"Ok, well, get your backpack. Lets go home."
And so it was.....Brodie came home from school because his food traveled away from his stomach, and into his kidney. Amazing.